Is Summer Over?

So it has been an amazing summer. I know I have been bad at blogging. And I am so good at it.???? Really should be more activity from me I know...but I have been busy. And besides the truth is Facebook is a better diary. With all the tracking shit and everything. One thing I have attempted to do was change the name of this blog...But, I am going to need an executive from Google to achieve that...

Originally this was going to be my book. But then JP and I came up with a better idea for My Very Own Cooking Show. And although it was supposed to be launched on July 1 of 2010 we ran into all sort of hurdles. the kind of hurdles that lead to Our very Own Server. And with that came some new Linux challenges and a possible lawsuit. We will get it up and running. JP is a brilliant man and relentless as well. The key to launching this site is making sure it's done right. And I am confident that though much later than expected...it will be so much fun and perfect.

Meanwhile...back at the ranch....I have found a new niche! Swimmers!! I know right? It has sent me traveling around all of New England this summer with more trips to the southern states ( can't tell you how thrilled I am about that) this Autumn. Swimmers love rubber caps that are customized and tie die sweatshirts...so I have been manufacturing both. With the Godfathers money. The godfather you ask?

This man has pretty much saved my life. But there are repercussions as you can imagine. He is demanding...and he wont let me drink.... or sleep with the window washer....all though I do both.
He is an Italian icon here in Portland. And he runs his family and business as if it were really like a mafia. And right now I am on the top of the list. I am welcomed into the family even though I don't want to be. I have my own family. I have my mother and step dad that are the most powerful people in the world to me. They drive to Maine to see me and give me a lot of stuff I would not otherwise have on my own...They look after me at my old age and make sure I am okay. Then there is all my sisters I have who I will never know. The Cunninghams have pretty much dismissed me. And that's okay. I have the Guidi's. And the Cunninghams don't even compete. The Guidi's don't discriminate against gays...and serve really good food!!

Funny things that have happened this summer? Not a lot...I got kicked out of a taxi....due to running my management mouth. Had a friend visit from the UK. And the Godfather kept me to busy to enjoy it. Even put her to work.

The usual awkwardness is present. I flip an egg and it flips back over...that sort of thing...
I swam in the ocean and all I could think about was who else was peeing....(notice the who else)
Oh and I have discovered 'pressure cooking' and have been enjoying it immensely! And, I have a new texting husband potential...from back when I lived in the Berwicks...I am really excited to make him something to eat and then kiss him. (No pressure Mother fucker)

So Look out friends...My Very Own Cooking Show the web site is going to happen. And I apologize for the delay....but I am sure you can imagine the complications. Get your flip camera's ready and start filming your best cooking!!!

Love you all and thanks for everything!

Skunky event no it was not pot.

Hi Blog. I have not written in a while. But drama has once again pursued my day. So I thought I would share the story.

I woke up this morning feeling overly tired. I was up rather late drawing a chef's hat outline with broad strokes. I was miserable from the heat. And miserable that Dennis has to work in Lewiston this week. So I laid in bed did my cafe world duties and then transcended to the kitchen to see if there may be a drop of coffee around. There was. It might have been days old though. There are two coffee makers in the kitchen...and I can't follow the pattern. So I mixed a little Italian sweet cream and some ice and had a delicious better then coffee shop drink in my travel mug. Then I proceeded to get ready for work. Always when I leave for work I make my bed. And I did so this morning. Except I covered up my phone connected to it's charger. And I left with out it. I realized this once I was to far away to retrieve it. That was start of my day. How will I communicate with Dennis since he is a NON facebook man. But he does send about 10-15 text messages through out the course of a day.

Once I sat at my desk with out my cell phone I felt sick. I was suddenly very distracted. And despite my hearing loss could not hear a word anyone was saying. All I could think was how am I going to communicate with Dennis. And What if JP texts me to tell me the new site is ready to review. Then I thought about Brad. He is having hip replacement surgery today and Lalita is with him. And she does use facebook but not her cell phone. She hates it. How in the fuck am I supposed to get through my busy day with out access to phone numbers I don't even know?

But I did. I got through it. At the end of the day I ran for my room to get my phone. And alas 22 text messages between Lalita and Dennis. I felt calm again.

I also got a 'porch monkey" chair in witch to sit on for the porch. I like the porch very much. despite the traffic and the hot men that jog by. I decided it would be better if I had a chair to sit on. So I got one. And it was great!! I loved sitting in it. It was low and kept me out of the limelight. I could smoke with out the whole world seeing me. And after a day like I had with all the phone calls that needed to be made it was finally nice to hear from my mother.

She called to tell me about her new present. Her new travel computer. That my dad bought her before they leave for vacation. And one of those weeks will be here in Maine. YAY. And we are having a lovely chat. Very lovely chat. Suddenly CA comes out the door. "Did You see whats down here?" pointing behind the bush in front of the porch. "Huh" I reply. "Look Daisy found it!" I look over the railing to see a dead skunk laying there. "Oh Fuck" I said. "I called Joe." CA said.

Right away I said bye to mom and called 411 to get a hold of animal control. After reaching them I was informed that because it was on the property that it had to be dealt with privately. Great I thought. then I see Joe's truck coming up so I dash into the house.

Now Joe is 78 years old. A really nice man. Who gives me a lot of work. And I am thankful for it. He keeps my 1099 rolling on like a steam train. Really nice guy. So nice that I knew what was coming. That is why I dashed into my room. But it was not more then 5 minutes upon his arrival that he yelled into my window. "JOLE COME OUT HERE AND HELP ME" He pronounces my name wrong. "Joe, I am not dealing with the skunk...I am your graphic designer not your dead animal remover!" I reply. "JOLE I can't get the skunk onto the shovel...get out here and help me!!" he says.

Jesus Fucking Christ I think. So I go out. The skunk is still under the bush. "Scrape it out" Joe says. "Joe this is not a gay mans position at all I really don't think I can. But, Okay let me give it a whirl!" I fucking climb under the bush and start trying to shovel the skunk. It won't land soooo

Joe tells me to scrape it out from under the bush. "No." I say. I cant do it. Mean while I start puking. All over the place. My pepperoni and cheese ALL over the place. Joe is laughing so hard that I fear his ticker in his heart might fail. Meanwhile I do not find anything funny, so I scrape the skunk into the driveway. All the while puking my guts up, "let me get a plank" Joe says.

OMFG we finally get the thing on the shovel and he tells me to hold the bag. I am like "If you touch me with this fucking skunk I will die right here." He laughs. Then doesn't the fucking tail brush my arm as he deposit's it into the bag. I Puke again. he laughs again. I strip off my desiel jeans and favorite T-shirt and throw them into to the bag.

I take a scolding shower and wallow in my misery of the day.

I believe this bad Karma for forgetting my phone. Other wise I would have not been on the porch I love when CA showed me the skunk!

Dedant. Dedant. Deda deda....Dedant.

On today's episode of My Very Own Cooking Show...a surprise! The rehearsals did not include such a surprise of this nature. Even though I carefully planned and calculated each ingredient on my way home from work. There is always something lingering in the kitchen that just might come in handy! ANDY!
I suppose with my new work load I have been just a small smudge of a hint of LAZY in my very own kitchen studio. But, I knew tonight's menu was going to include one of my favorite piece's of meat. the grand old chicken thigh! And any one who watches the show knows that I prefer my thigh's to be ultra crispy...but with out all the extra ingredients most folks would use to make their thigh's as crispy as mine. But today!!! Low and behold! I offer you a most magical unforeseen ingredient to the ULTIMATE crispy chicken thigh's. If you want to pull this off in your OWN very own kitchen...here is the secret!

It has to be raining really hard!! ANd You have to forget to clean the counter tops with the weak bleach solution you would otherwise use...just before you leave for work in the morning...like you always do!! BUT OF COURSE! Why come home to those coffee cup rings on the counter! Leave them there! No worries...you can get to it later! THEN! Come home from an Ultra long day...and don;t forget that you can catch those coffee cup rings later on. AFTER the final clean up...Only after you finally get some of those Ultimate Crispy Chicken Thigh's settled into the bottom of your belly. And only then! Will this magic ingredient work!

First. As always.. just a cap full of olive oil to coat the chicken. Do not use more then a cap full...A-because it's expensive! B- because it is more then enough to coat 2 of my thigh's! So that equals 1 cap full of Olive Oil per every two thigh's. Beyond that it is your liking of salt and pepper. I always use cracked sea salt and measure as I crack. And tonight I happened to see a spice on the back of the shelf that I usually keep for certain shell fish boils. Old Bay Seasoning! So I sprinkled some of the red stuff around and gave it a minimal covering.

But Jowal?? You ask. How is THAT going to make them crispy? What about the batter? What about the bread crumb's? Old Bay Seasoning can't be the secret right?
RIGHT! But it was a great option for a fresh sort of flavor on a stormy damp night. And I am going to bet that at least 90% of my hometown viewers have the Old Bay Seasoning right there on their very own spice shelf too! And that is mainly in part of it's origin to the Chesapeake Bay.

So now we have a new twist on the Ultimate Crispy Chicken Thigh's! The way I make them crispy is actually very simple. And I know I have an advantage that most people don't here on My Very Own Cooking Show! But as long as you are creative! You will be fine.

I have the broiler on full blast. And my advantage is that the stove here on My Very Own Cooking Show allows me a much larger range of distance from my thigh's to the heat source. I can set my thigh's as much as 8 inches from the blazing red infra HOT source of energy. This allows me to cook them a bit slower then an average broiling experience. And in turn I can cook them long enough to ensure the meat is cooked all the way through and down to the bones of my thigh. I suppose 'chef's' would call this a FLASH method. But with a typical FLASH method you would Blaze your thigh's with high heat...and then reduce the temp after you achieve crispness to allow the meat to complete it's cooking. And you CAN use this method too. But, for the ultimate crisp with out charring the meat...try my method. Every broiler has settings to use that you can create a distance with. Use the furthest one. My thigh's were about 8 inches from the heat source. And on that setting I turned them ONCE after 25 minutes...allowed the other side to BLAZE for about 10 minutes just to get that extra crispness I long for on my thigh's...then turned the power off and let them rest in the broiler for another 30 minutes or so.

You will have to try this a few times to get it right. I, of course am a natural. Once you get passed the eye burning sting from the ever so hot metal that will surround YOUR very own kitchen. And then the the occasional smoke GUSHING from the vent and stove top...just enough to trip the smoke detector so that you have to go running at it with a dish towel that is spinning faster then the blades of a helicopter to disengage the loud piercing noise that has the whole city looking in your direction....

Then only then do you remove your thigh's from the broiler and set them aside to rest for a moment while you finish up any side dishes that you may desire with this delicacy...I chose steamed Broccoli florets. I pondered a cheesy pasta side...but after the long day I had and the LAZINESS I have succumbed to in the last few days....I was happy with just the protein and fiber!

And for that last minute ingredient...just for some added fiber AND protein...take a look at those succulent thigh's...squint and focus at the brownish black movement. Now once you realize. Maybe you can be as lucky as I was and the oven is still PIPING HOT! Reach for the power knob and turn the broiler back on. Look around at the whole army of ANT'S that is covering your counter top and stove top...and the plate with your thigh's. But DO NOT surrender! Toss your thigh's right back on to the broiling pan and SEER those ant's. Pour yourself a glass of wine and take a long hard gulp just before you withdraw your thigh's ... prepare your plate to look pretty...
Take a bite! Notice the added crunch! (that is probably just your imagination) MMMM SO Good are my Crispy Thigh's with a hint of Old Bay Seasoning and slight sprinkling of ANT'S!

CUT

Season 9 Episode 12-Chicken Cutlets and the Morning After

I have been sifting through my archives looking for something to "Blagh"
I have not really had the time to write any new stuff BUT I am keeping really good notes.
This is a really old episode from when Steve and I first started living together. I figured
it will never make a publishing. I can laugh at it now. But at the time I was lividly beside myself.

Season 9 Episode 12-Chicken Cutlets and the Morning After:

On today's episode I offer what just may be one of my favorite meals in the world. It is basic and we all make them. At least I would like to think we do. It is pretty straight forward. I just use an egg wash that is half milk. Then Bread them up before frying them in about a 1/4 inch of oil. I MUST have mashed potatoes and corn with this meal. Just like a meatloaf...for me it just does not work with out the mashed potatoes and corn.

This is one of the first episodes that takes place no longer being single and living alone. Steve and I have decided it was time for us to live together. It just has gotten to that point. Deep inside I knew the most challenging part of this was going to be when I cooked. Already he keeps coming into the kitchen and disrupting. As excited as I was to serve him one of my favorite meals...it did not seem to be clear to him that he was 'unwelcome' in the kitchen while I was cooking. Either he was curious about the process or the smells...or he was drinking very heavy and had to keep 'refreshing his drink'. I finally explained to him that he would have to either take the bottle of Vodka with him back to the TV or nurse the drink until I was done cooking. He nursed the drink.

When I served dinner we sat down and smiled with glee. It was glorious. I was so happy to serve him such a meal. The one that I treasure. The one that makes my mouth water. So with refreshed drinks and finally seated. Comes this....
"Do we have Ketchup?" Steve asks with an innocent smile. My heart sinks into my feet. "For what?" I ask with a smile. "I should like some ketchup for my chicken cutlets please." he says with s silly smile.
I could feel my blood begin to boil. How could he dare smother these in ketchup? All this work and he is just going to DIP them in ketchup. "Stephen you may not destroy such a work of art with ketchup" I say firmly. "But I want Ketchup!" He replies.
"I am sorry I can not allow you to do that." I demand. "Just try it with out it first, see how it is!"
I offer. He stares at me blank. He lifts his knife. Cuts. Then he attempts to put a piece in his mouth. He puts it back down on the plate. "I really would like ketchup." he says. "FINE God dammit" I get up sternly and storm back to the kitchen. I reach for the bottle. And I just can not grasp it. So I look in the fridge. The best I can offer him is BBQ sauce. And even this kills me.
It killed more to watch him dump it on his plate. And then proceed to DIP his food into it. I was in a sweat. I could not sit still. But he did not notice. He just told me 'how yummy it was'.

We went to bed. It was all I could think about. But I dared not to mention it. I knew this was only the beginning. The start of a long culinary relationship with this new man. We had a new house. New Trucks. A new Dog. And Family on the way to visit. Why should I start off.

The next morning I awoke with a need to make breakfast. I made sure coffee was all set in the living room so that he did not come into the kitchen and interrupt my cooking show. I even called out to make sure he had enough sugar. "Yesso" he replied.

I served on the gifted dinner trays a plate of his favorite bacon and eggs over easy. I was sure to bring the ketchup as I was sure there would be a request. He smiled and said thank you very much. I smiled back.
As I retreated to the kitchen to fetch my own plate he hollers. "Can I have the mustard?" I paused. Took a deep breath. And I thought he must for sure be making a joke from the previous night. Little did I know he was not that clever. "Your fucking kidding me with this right Steve?"
I ask in a fit. "No" he says. So as I storm back with the mustard I slam it on his tray. "What are you going to do with that? Dip your fucking egg yolks in it?" I bark to him with a glare. He looks back up. "Calm down!! I like mustard with my eggs." he says. "Oh come the fuck on...who the fuck puts mustard in their eggs over easy???" I demand...."Don't you put it in your egg salad?" he asks me. "Well... Yes." I get coy. "Well thats where i got the idea!"he barks back.

Texting? Phone Call? My new communication with my parents.

When text messaging first came around I was not amused. It was tedious and tried my patience. I did play around with it though. Then when the 'auto complete' came along I was tickled pink!! I was with Steve at the time...and I started using it all the time while he was at work. And this aggravated him. Because he couldn't figure it out. He would call me..."Jowal will you stop 'texting' me at work? I find it very distracting! He would demand to me. But as you can imagine this was his mistake. And I 'texted' him all the time from my office. Until finally he figured it out. Then my hell began. Text after Text after Text. It drove me out of my mind. I remember one incident I was standing in the bank and I got one. It read something like...'I love you snookawookum...hope you drove safely to the bank.' That was the final straw for me. Steve was a transportation manager. And every other fucking word out of his "TEXT" would include something to do with safety. Once out of the bank and in my truck I called him at once. "Listen you son of a bitch! Stop with the fucking 'texting' or I am going to call and have your phone shut off!!" I said. "Ohhhhhh" he said.
"How you like me now?" He so crassly spoke. Payback is a bitch.

Lately though, text messaging has become a very good way for me to communicate with my parents. Although Steve ruined it for me and I went on for many years refusing to text with anyone. I have come to appreciate it's cheap, short and sweet manner. So with that. I use it regularly. Even to my parents.

Now my dad is new to a cell phone in general. I think he may have been steady with his current one for about 3 years or so. And I recall when I home this past winter how excited he got when it rang or made any sort of noise. He was promptly there to check it out and see what was happening. He even...had his own customized voice mail greeting. This impressed me. So this year. Because he and y mother where on vacation at the time. I sent him a Happy Father's Day Text. And being as clever as I am! I even did it ahead of time and then scheduled the delivery @ 6am on Fathers Day. A week Early. And it was not a clerical error on my behalf. I was astounded at the end of the day that I had not gotten a text back from him. He usually texts me right back.
So I called him by the end of the day. He was chuckling at me. "What is so funny?" I ask feeling a complex coming on. "Son, father's day is not until next week" he said laughing his ass off. OK I get it! HA HA...So I repeated the process for the following week...and alas...I got my thank you return text.

My mother on the other hand is no stranger to a mobile phone. She has had one since the old brick models of the mid 90's. And since then has had some pretty flashy ones. Some really nice phone's. So recently I get this text. About a week ago.

>from mom< 'I upsEt oh i ugh an i an few nonmom' Sent:July 20, 2009 05:45:25pm
This naturally alarmed me. I thought something was very wrong. And the images going through my head as to why she would have such a message to send was maddening. I call straight away.
She is laughing her ass off. My dad is laughing in the back round. I am not amused. "What the fuck is going on?" I ask. "I just can't figure out how to text" she said..."it just makes up it's own words"
After that was cleared up...fast forward to yesterday. I send her a text following up to our earlier phone conversation about my shoe shopping.
>to mom< ' I got a pair of overpriced George shoes...they should be good till first snowfall' Sent: July 24, 2009 06:45:52pm

This is what I get back....
>from mom< 'Shot II jon what jon pig pig are' Sent: July 24, 2009 03:49:55pm

This sends me in to a fit of laughter as I am standing at an intersection. So much so that I had to collect my self on a telephone pole. Not because it was all that funny or even the fact that she actually saw what it said and still hit send! BUT! Or the fact I now knew her phone was locked in 'auto complete' mode and she could not figure out how to get out of it. The funny part was. because of my auto complete experience. I was able to translate it. 'Should I know what George Shoes are?' is what she meant to ask!

MVOCS- Season 16 Episode 247- How to Completely Fuck Up Haddock ChoWda

On today's episode I would like to show you how I completely fucked up what could have been a perfectly rich Haddock ChoWda. It could not be any easier. But of course. I will also have a fix.

Let's get started with your shopping list.

2 pounds of haddock fillets (unless you are cooking for a fucking fishing crew get more)
1 can or 2 of the small cans of UNSWEETENED condensed milk!!
1 quart of whole milk
2 pounds of fish heads or better yet shrimp heads...any thing with the brains still in them...or just buy some pre-made fish stock.
1 stick of butter
1/2 pound of slab bacon DICED (it is easy to get now...if you can't get it just get the thickest you can find dice it up...just make sure knife is sharp as shit)
1-2 Sweet Onions...I always try to use Vadalia...if they are in season. If they are not I use a red onion to make it pretty!
Some Fresh Corn as much as you like to add...I prefer a bit more rather then less....
A bag of those cute little baby Yukon potatoes.

I think that is every thing. For now. The basics you should already have in your pantry.

ChoWda is indeed something I enjoy making on rainy days...especially if I had to be wet as
a result of it. You know, one of those days when you walk in the door and you are drenched.
How about a fucking choWda!

First...I know not everyone has direct access to fish heads like I do. But if you can get them...get them...the boiled brains make a very rich stock. And that is how you want to get it started. I usually throw the heads in with a cup of brandy...or water if no brandy on hand. An you want to boil these mother fucker's till they practically melt. Use a stock pot. Keep adding fluid. And reducing it. Do this for as much as you have time or patience for. I have done it for an entire day a few times and the results where priceless. OF COURSE the key is getting it drained. Use the most micro strainer you can find.
Or just bring your store bought fish stock to a boil...you can achieve the same sort of richness by buying a few containers and continue reducing it and adding more. Once it is drained and reduced you can add the haddock. I cut it in 1" chunks.

Meanwhile in the actual soup pot. You are browning your bacon. And yes a separate pot. Reason being is I usually like to make enough choWDa to freeze. But, in my experience you can not freeze a choWDa that has all the ingredient's combined with the protein. Now I do not know this to be a fact. If you are actually a certified cook and you know other wise well then do as you please. OR If you plan on stuffing yourself in one sitting then by all means use one pot. I prefer to mix the fish cooked in the stock and the chowder parts just before serving and the same for freezing them. Separate!

Once the bacon is browned add the onions. I do not dice them I like to sliver them. I like slivers of onions in my choWda. Cut them how you want. Then you can start to add the liquids (less the stock if you do it my way) ...once the onions start to appear clear. And don't curdle the fucking milk...let it all cool off a bit before you go throwing in milks and such. Let it all slowly come to a boil.

Your corn and potatoes have been what??? Whats the only way I make corn???? HMMM?
ROAST!!! You roast the ears of corn and the potatoes. Just roast them with a drizzle of oil and Sea salt and pepper. Don't ever fucking serve me ears of corn boiled in water. I will kick you in the chin. So, once they are done roasting you can shave your corn. I usually cut the baby Yukon's in half depending on how small they are and then add them to your choWda.

Serve with driblets of melted butter.

Ok so how did I fuck this up????? I bought sweetened condensed milk. Yep. It tasted like fucking Fish Cereal. It reminded me of the 'rice pudding' my mother used to make me as a kid.
It was rice and and a can of SWEETENED condensed milk. She used to serve it for breakfast and call it rice pudding. It wasn't bad. But with fish it was a fucking disaster.

How did I save it?????? PFFT....Well I was saved because I kept the protein liquid separate. SO!
I roasted more corn....piled it up with corn and potatoes....Added about a 1/4 cup of instant mashed potato flakes to thicken it and changed the name to Roasted Corn and Baked Potato ChoWda!!!!

How about that Bitches....2 great recipes in one great show!!!

The Pot Head Athlete- More 'POT'

So Yesterday I mentioned in my FB status 'I was feeling productive....'. So I thought I would go and make something of it.... and I did. I accomplished quite a bit...All before noon too. I met with a 'business angel' and I was very pleased with how it went. I left the meeting feeling way better then OK. But, I still felt productive. Until I remembered the DVR back home was recording a movie I could see again...I loved the book hated the movie sort of thing..."Running with Scissors" was on Bravo...so I decided to head home but take my time since it was DVR'ing Right?

Again, I was a little excited about the day and decided to make the longer walk home around 'back cove' instead of the shorter trek up and over the hills of up town Portland. Back Cove is a great part of Portland. It is basically a paved trail that runs along the waterside to get behind the peninsula of the city. Where I live! And it is one of my favorite walks. It must be shared though. With the high sprinting runners in 4 million dollar sneakers that seem to achieve speeds of 100 miles an hour as they sprint by with very impressive speed. But they are no comparison to the speed of the Cannondale cycling athletes....Clearly they achieve even greater speeds....but then, there are the casual slumbers like myself who just smile and stare at the sea while walking a lazy speed. Some... walking dogs. Or even running them.

Just like any other dog walking athletic venturing site seeing trail there are general rules. Very much like traffic flows on a road. One direction on one side-the opposite the other direction. And as I discovered today...it is equally dangerous as a road traffic pattern.

"LEFT LEFT" is all hear from right behind me. I spin quickly and heavily around making sure I fling my hair for effect... and my k nap sack swung with us. BAM! And next thing I know I am on the ground. I look around for a moment and there is poor heavy set girl laying on the ground too. She had been riding her bike... but clearly not at Cannondale athlete speeds. Thank god for me. But unfortunately for her. I still have not removed 'the POT' from my k nap sack.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I demand. I probably should have asked if she was OK but I was pissed and busy checking to see if 'the POT' had been damaged.
"I said 'Coming in from the left' at least three times" she explains as she looks at my pot. "Well what the fuck are you doing assuming everyone has perfect hearing then?" I blurt to her. "You had plenty of time to reposition yourself after your second warning!!!" I say. "Oh you know what fuck you you fucking rude asshole" she says back to me. "Oh Go ride your fucking bike in traffic you dumb bitch." I exclaim as I get up fix my hair...brush myself off and waltz away!
The 'POT' was left unharmed.