Born Of Frustration

So in my life. There never seems to be a day that goes by that I do not become extremely frustrated by one thing or another. Not a day passes that I ask a question
that can't be answered. Or, I find my self in the most challenging of situations. It just never fails. In fact today I have had several occasions that have caused me internal frustration. Like the fat bastard at the soup kitchen where I volunteered this morning who runs over little old ladies with his power scooter, then never has trouble standing up and running to the counter for the first desert!! Deep inside I wished I could sneeze on his carrot cake...or even teabag it or something. But I will save that for another time. Today I would like to moan about fags. As in the ones you smoke.

I recently started buying "Top" tobacco pouches that come complete with a pack of rolling papers. Here in Maine. AN Average pack of smokes cost's about $8.00 a pack...thats for the generic ones. A good pack like my preference can run closer to $9.00. But a pouch of the "Top" runs about $1.99. Clearly this is attractive. But I am finding several things "get my goat".

Now, in my early 20's...I could roll a marijuana "joint" while shifting gears in my Volvo, turning corner's with my knees, and activating the directional signal's with my elbows. In a matter of seconds I could have the seeds and stem's removed and promptly present a well rolled joint to the other passengers. Well this is no longer the case. When I awoke this morning the first thing I desired was a long hard drag of smoke. So I busted out my bright yellow pouch of tobacco...extracted a fine rolling paper and began the process. The first one just didn't take. The sticky end wouldn't stick and the more I licked it the more it fell apart. This is obviously not a good way to start the morning. So I took a deep breathe and made some coffee just to step away for a minute to avoid becoming furious. Of course, the coffee was useless with out the long hard drag of smoke. So this time I sat Indian style on the floor and focused on mission to have a nicely rolled morning fag. This time I really took my time. made sure the shredded tobacco leaves were nice and level. I rolled and rolled the paper to get a nice even circumference and then I backed it off a bit to reveal the sticky end and licked...when I rolled it for the final seal...the fucking thing broke open in the middle and eventually split all the way open. At this point I said "fuck it" and just found one of the half's from last night. Fired it up and was somewhat satisfied. Jumped in the shower, packed my nap sack and headed off to the soup kitchen to serve up left over pasta for breakfast. During my walk through the park I saw man walking with his bright yellow bag of top's rolling a smoke while walking. "All right" I thought. I can do this. So I whipped out my pouch and set a rolling paper in my between my fingers and extracted some tobacco. I had it all nice and neat (still walking) when WHOOSH came a blast of wind. And blew it all into the pond. Now I was furious.

But just then I noticed my fingers. In between my middle finger and index finger where huge orange/brown stains on my skin. Now I am really upset. 20+ years of smoking prepackaged cigarettes and this has never happened. The moment I get to the kitchen I rush in a state of panic to the bathroom. I scrub my finger's relentless. And while it did fade a bit it was still there. I was mortified. SO I run to the medical kit and find peroxide and rubbing alcohol and create a solution that I soak my finger's in for many minutes. This still does not work.

So between the stains on my fingers and my inability to roll a joint anymore. I think about what a $1.99 is really costing me. I think about my fabulous white teeth, and how the filter's I am used to have probably saved them from horribleness. So I go to the tobacco store and investigate my options. Here I find a small machine and a bag of empty filtered papers that I can use to STUFF tobacco into the empty filtered fag's and Viola!!! For slight under 4 dollars I can create my very own cigarette factory. With this I am pleased. It's no Camel light by any means...but It is stain free and still $4 cheaper...this will work.

:)

Shudder to Think

So then...I took on Studio Apartment in Portland. With the goal in mind that there is lot's of resources and work...as well as all the volunteer work that I have signed on to do...One of my Favorite Volunteer projects takes place the first weekend in April...It's called April Stool's Day!! That's right April Stool's Day...this involves choosing a part of the city and cleaning up dog shit...How fucking great is that...An Eco Friendly city like Portland Maine has more dog shit then Paris and London Combined...( I would bet on this )

But anyhow that is not why I am writing this blog...Generally I save this stuff for "My Very Own Cooking Show" but I thought I should share this....

Upon looking at this particular apartment I was pleased that it was just out side of downtown Portland...close to the back cove...and nestled into the streets that surround USM...
When I first saw the place it was under going some rapid transformations...New Carpet...new paint...and the likes...I found this to be desirable. So long story short after all the paper work is signed and filed...I get the key...and go to take care of the "first cleaning" that needs to be done when you take up new residence...
To my surprise I find a TV and VCR combo in the shower... So I think if I can have this it will make a nice addition to the kitchen...for when I am Chopping Onions and such...In the closet I find a bag of very nice coats and jackets all LL Bean and even a pair of LL bean boots...But the smell inside the bag is one to kick you flat out on the floor. So I toss that right away...I then call the owner of the building to see if the previous tenant will be coming back looking for this tv that I found in the shower...( I do this before I get cozy with it in the kitchen ) The owner...says "Oh, I don't think you have to worry about him coming back for anything." Of course this strikes me as odd...then it dawned on me the smell I smelled when I opened the bag of dashing LL bean jackets. Hmmm I thought. A few moments later I noticed one of my fellow neighbors schlepping up the steps out side...I decide to approach him...
and ask him his opinion of my Tv/VCR combo I found in the shower. ( Why the shower I don't know )

He looks at me with grimace in eyes. I feel Ill. All I can smell is the smell that I smelled when I opened that bag of very fine Jackets made in Maine...and alas..."That guy was found dead in there...they say he was dead for at least 3 weeks...."

So I guess I dont have to worry about him coming back to collect his Tv/Vcr Combo!!!