So I tried my best to quit smoking with the help of Chantix
It was an OK experience. I especially enjoyed the VERY vivid dreams.
The first night I was so excited about my dreams that I actually got up
and moved my bed into the middle of my room. I was terrified that I would bang
my head on the wall or even swing my arms a bit to hard on the walls.
BUT...the day time pills where not as exciting. I still found my dark desires
very much present. At one point I was eying up the mail man on my porch.
I wondered if he had a pack of smokes in one of his many pockets. I somehow knew
he was a smoker. So. I grabbed my heaviest frying pan and stood behind the window.
I thought if I bashed him on the neck just right. I could knock him out for just enough time to
frisk him for his cigarettes.
At another point I had found my way upstairs at one of the guys door up there. I had gone
there with the intention of demanding a cigarette. Until he smiled. His Teeth where gone. I asked him what the hell happened. And to my horridness he smiled again! I had to blink and breathe and make sure I was not in a 'vivid dream'. I was not. "SteveO, what the fuck happened to your teeth?" I screamed. Then My phone rang. It was my mother. For sure I was dreaming. But only then did SteveO withdraw a plastic bag filled with his teeth. ALL OF HIS TEETH!! I could barely conduct the conversation with my mother and still listen to my new toothless 26 year old neighbor ramble on about having all of his teeth yanked out. I was sure this was a dream. But only until my mother demanded full attention on the phone. Then she asked me if I had looked in his mouth. I don't think she understood. So in all my horror. I stepped out of SteveO's apartment to wrap up the conversation with my mother. "You know how I live for these things MAh!" I said. And we said our good byes. Back in SteveO's I go. "Dude, WHY OH WHY would you do that to all of your teeth and what dentist LET you at such a young age???" I demanded an answer. He just stood there and smiled at me. With no teeth. And I must say I could not hear a word he said. I was just staring at his vacant mouth. In utter disgust. I later learned this is a procedure that drug addicts will have done. For the Pain Pill's!!! Thats right! They sacrifice all of their nice white young teeth for fucking pain pills...Why not just let the bus run over your foot???
At any rate...I knew I had to give in to the yearning of a cigarette when I was in Freeport this past weekend at the LLBean Fest. I was taking an Awesome Kayak for a test drive. All the while wishing I had the $1700.00 to purchase it. I was in my own little world. SO pleasant. Not thought of cigarettes. Just my humble little oar. And my favorite smell of seaweed at low tide.
Until I approached by a child in her little Kayak. Yes it was actually designed for the little bitchy rug rat. Exclusive just for her. They were taking her picture. Several people surrounded her in the water taking pictures of her. And I became furious. And I looked at her pretty little smile and felt bashing it in with my oar and the coming in with a left jab on the other end of the oar.
UGGG
As I left Freeport. I stopped at a Mobile. And bought a pack of Camel Filters for 9 fucking dollars. Later I will take the Chantix and post it on Craigslist at a much reduced price. And with that money I will buy many packs of cigarettes.
I gave it a try. I failed. I am quitter. Just not of quitting smoking. I do not think I am ready yet. As much as I should be.
Ok So Next up...Prolly the beginning of next week. An Exclusive peak into MVOCS. I have been reluctant to do this on the blog...but since it shares the same name. What the fuck. Last week I made the lobster pizza. And of course every time I cook in the kitchen comes another episode of "My Very Own Cooking Show". This particular one I though would be good debut sort of sneak peek into the concept of MVOCS. So you can see what it is all about. And Maybe build up a bit of hype. This particular episode with the lobster pizza turned out to be a riot. And it has VERY Special Guest. So Get ready!! It's a Good thing!!!
Over and Out!
Joel
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