My Mug...

So I was having a glorious day today here in Portland...Sucking on Lemon's chasing them with the 'lemonade" brew I have been drinking...Thinking how my colon is the cleanest in Portland. When I finished work I decided I would like to 'cheat' on my lemonade binge...and replace a bit of my colon cleansing cocktail with a bit of pickle juice. That's right. I have been known to have several jars of dried out pickles in my fridge. Usually after a night of drinking whiskey. There is nothing more refreshing then the juice of pickles. And I never hesitate to guzzle it. It feels good. It is far better then V8. So. I stopped by my place. And decided to grab my shopping bag(s) and walk along to the local Whole Foods. The sun was shining. It was still early (11am). I was feeling great. I knew in the back of my mind that I had a gift coming from a good girl in Philly. I knew that it was either scrapple or tastykake's. And I decided how luscious a bit of steak and cheese would be (Fine Kimberly I was already cheating)...

So I go to the store...do my thing...fill up my bAG FULL OF SHAVED STEAK AND STUFF!!
I then start waltzing back towards home. I am approached by a little man. At least 5 inches shorter then my 5'9". "give me your wallet" he proclaims! I just brush on by him. And I think..
how this would make my day. Then he pokes me on the back. With some sort of object. "Give me your wallet" he says again. So. I size him up. "Your kidding me with this right?" I ask. "Give me your gad damn wallet right now!" he replied. I then took a deep drag of my fag... "Your just a poor man robbing the poor man" I said. "AND unless you have ever been bludgened by a jar of pickled cucumbers...you might want to step out of my fucking way". I said. I was a bit intimidated. But then I thought how powerfull a jar pickles could be. If I was to gain a good lead I could easily break open his skull with them. I knew I may have a few bit's of blood on the bag...but hell, nothing Dawn dish soap wont eliminate. But it was then I felt a power. I knew I could maintain things with out a jar of pickles. So. I then flicked my cigarette at him. Looked him in the eye. "Listen to me you little twirp...I will back your ankles around your fucking ears if you don't get out of my face at this moment in time!" saying it but never really meaning it...

"Moment in time?" he says. "Oh You must be a gay!" he yells as he runs off.