Laugh all the way to Hell...

Last night I did something new. Well not new! I used to travel the bar scene back in my day. I wrote 10,ooo words yesterday towards the book. That was after a morning of work and a trip to the hospital.

After the firework display last night from the ball field. 'Stray Jay' convinced me we should go into Old' Port section of Portland. I was reluctant. He being the straight guy. Me wishing he was my 'new husband'. Well I should have never seen it coming. And I didn't. ( I learned to bounce around the subject in my writing class...it is supposed to hold your attention )

So Jay talked me into an excursion to the Old' Port. I thought...OK. I loaded my Ipod with some Modest Mouse and the new U2. We loaded up my nap sack with some 'Natural Ice' and headed out. It was about a 4 mile walk based on the pain in my legs. But, it felt real. I felt like a kid again.

So Jay is about 6'2" if not an inch or so taller. He carries him self well. He is thin. But carries a punch. On the walk he knew of all these places for us to stop and have a beer. This made me feel younger. As I guzzled the brew I thought of old friends. I thought about Shawn. I was sad he is dead now. Then I remembered that I was crazy. I knew I was not going to carry my self well. And when we made it to an alley in Old' Port it was filled with the best class of people. I looked at Jay and he was cold. He was almost a snapshot.

"Jay what's up you seem distant." I asked him. He looked to the ground. "I shouldn't be here." he replied. "My kids need me...my wife is going to let her family dictate our life together." I thought about my reply before I spoke. I thought about my personal life. I wondered if my father ever had such a guilty reaction. I knew my DAD was a better man. And I knew that I really did not want to listen to Jay moan about this subject. It was to personal for me. And after 38 years on earth I now just look the other way. Even as hard as it is to look away. It goes against everything my mother taught me. Even as a grown adult I always hear my mother. "Joel, don't you ever judge anyone. Take even the worse situation and find something good about it." Ugg it's like an echo in my head. So. I take out my ear buds. "Jay, either do it or don't. You have 2 kids. You should never let them forget who you are." I say in a deep breath. I was angry now. One minute I was feeling young and robust. Now I am feeling my mothers vibes. "Jay, make a fucking decision. Don't fuck around with your kids emotions. I can do one of two things here...I can take you to Philly and meet my Dad. OR you can choose the girl you want to fuck here in this sexy alley." Jay sat down on a bench. "There are some 'SMOKING' women here." He blurts. "Go and get em' " I say. I too take to the bench. I look at my Ipod and it is midnight. "I can't." he says. "I am to dorky and ugly." To this I put my ear buds back in and listen to 15 over 7 time signature and endorse my crazy. I wonder what it must be like to feel dorky and ugly when it isn't the truth. I try hard to comprehend. I think about my hearing. And I wonder if Jay can hear things I can not. I stand. Flip my fingers through my curly 'ness'. I adjust my flip flops. I walk up to the first beautiful girl I see. "How's it going HUNNY" I drunk out. She put her arm around me and planted her lips on my neck. "What's on your IPOD?" she says. She takes an ear bud and listens in. "Oh MODEST MOUSE!" She screams. Now she is dancing close to my hips. And then she tells me she loves my haircut.

WHAT????? the record scratches. I have not had a haircut in months. Instant turn off! I remember how easy it is. I think about my book. I wish I had my laptop with me. Why didn't I bring it?

I look at Jay. He is still staring at the ground. And I remember how I originally befriended him. I put my arm around him and pull him to his feet. "Let's go get a lobster." I say. "Sounds like a deal" he says back. We sniff out a lobster at an Irish pub up the street. The lobster came with pinch crackers. I request a chef's knife. When it is delivered I crack open the claws with a twist.
And throw the meat out on to the plate. I take a long swig of Jameson's. Then I am tapped on the shoulder. It was a guy that I had fished lobster with last winter. "Is this your boyfriend?" the guy asks. "No." I say "I thought he would be my new husband but he has kids." The laughs erupt from the bar. Jay slumps on my shoulder. "Thanks man"